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...that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and ever procrastination, every word, all of it.

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October 19, 2014 (4:51AM)

Since I can’t sleep (again), might as well write a little post before attempting to sleep one more time (before my alarm rings).

Today’s topic is going to be on “relationships.” I personally believe that having past relationships and experiences are a crucial and vital part of life. Without those relationships, you never really know or realize what you like or don’t like. (Talking about the opposite sex, of course). In the past, I immensely regretted any past relationships I’ve had, because I thought there was nothing I gained from it. I genuinely believed I wasted my precious time on irrelevant individuals. Little did I know how wrong I was! If anything, those individuals taught me a whole shit ton of things.

Firstly, it taught me to never settle for less than I deserved. Secondly, it reminded me of my worth. Thirdly, I now know what a catch I am (jk, of course). And last but not least, it showed me EXACTLY what I didn’t want in a guy. 

It’s crazy… in my blinded and naive eyes, certain individuals looked appealing to me, but if I really look back now at the age of 22, those individuals were absolute trash. 

Anyway, the likelihood of anyone that’s actually relevant reading this is highly low, but I just gotta say it. I gotta give it to you. THANK YOU so much (no bitterness or sarcasm intended whatsoever) for teaching me so much. Now, I know I’ll only pick the right one. The one that’s proper and suitable for me, and me only. 

Good night, tumblr.

;

Long time no tumblr. 

I’ve tripped out numerous of times thinking about post-grad life; but now, here I am. It’s really over and it’s never going to come back or ever be the same. That part of my life is forever gone. If I really think deep into it, it makes me disconsolate to a whole new level, but let’s not even go there…for now. The haunting thought of one of the most significant and consequential chapter of my life forever being extinct scares the living crap out of me. But at the same time, I can/would never go back. That’s life, no? Post-grad life? It’s cool. It’s pretty analogous to post-high school life. That perturbed & uneasy period of my life. That time when you have not a single clue where you’re headed. That’s how I felt then, and that’s how I feel now. But everything is going to be okay, I know (because I learned). 

I’m so young and immature still, but if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that Jesus loves me. 

#selfie cuz I’ve literally been living as a hermit’s grandma for months, & I finally got myself to go out😏🌹

#selfie cuz I’ve literally been living as a hermit’s grandma for months, & I finally got myself to go out😏🌹

On point👌☕️🎶 #WhatHappenedToMe

On point👌☕️🎶 #WhatHappenedToMe

My cousins are better than your cousins😜 #JkNotReally #NoButReally #Selfie

My cousins are better than your cousins😜 #JkNotReally #NoButReally #Selfie

Anonymous asked: Hi pretty lady. Hope you're enjoying ur time in SoCal. Maybe I'll run into somewhere. Haha

Haha, guess you didn’t run into me!

The Truth.

Prior to my LA/Vegas trip I was doing emotionally, mentally, and physically great, but afterwards, the heaviness in my heart returned. For no apparent reason, I started feeling extremely anxious, worried and irritable. I found myself giving my poor mom hella attitude for no reason, and complaining about my life like an ungrateful piece of shiz. I wasn’t reading the bible or praying at all, and had absolutely no desire to either. I really didn’t want to go to bible study today, but I forced myself to. The moment my session ended, all the heaviness and annoyance diminished into thin air. 

Just a little bit about my past few years is that I was literally a lost lamb. I was lost in the world, where sin was no longer a sin to me anymore. I was so unaware of what was going on in this world, and especially in my life. My paths were crooked and I had no idea what I was doing. I lived a repetitive life, making the same mistakes over and over again, not knowing why I felt the way I felt. I really thought I couldn’t be happy ever again. The scary thing is, once you’re so deep into sin, you don’t even realize what you’re doing anymore. You can’t differentiate between right and wrong. It’s really scary in all seriousness.

Honestly, I am so glad to be back home. I genuinely feel blessed. I thank the Lord that he has chosen and loved someone like me. I still have a longggg way to go to truly deepen my relationship and know God, but even this little baby step changed my life. I can’t even fathom what my life would be like in the next steps yet to come. Realizing that it isn’t about me took the toll away from my heart. I no longer desire things solely for myself, but to glorify God first. 

Call me crazy, call me insane, call me mad. I really don’t mind. My only hope is that I can share this awesomeness with all my friends and acquaintances that are equally as lost as I was. Ya’ll are in my prayers.

I Don’t Belong To Me.

I rarely go on FB (in all seriousness), but because my mom & I couldn’t sleep last night, we started looking at people’s photos to see how they were doing. That’s when I started tripping the hell out, thinking to myself that I need to go on my tumblr to delete all my past posts. After a long period of careful deliberation, I decided not to. What is there to hide? And why am I so ashamed of my past? I always had this weird fear in me, that my future could potentially be ruined from social media related stuff. And as much as that is true, I also came to the realization that I’m going to stop caring. I truly believe that God has someone amazing, proper and suitable readily prepared for me. I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I truly believe that (although I am jobless at the moment), God has a job prepared for me. I used to be far too focused on MY success, MY future, and MY life. But as of now, I want to live according to God’s plan for me, so I don’t have anything to really worry about, you see… 

(Anyway, I am not gonna read through what I wrote, not only because I’m feeling lazy, but also because my mom is constantly talking to me when she clearly knows I’m writing something on my tumblr. I guess I’m not a good multitasker.) 

Good bye forever, Vegas!🙌 #VegasSunset  (at Mohave Desert)

Good bye forever, Vegas!🙌 #VegasSunset (at Mohave Desert)

Not tryna brag, but this was an amazing lunch….👌👍 #delicious #dankasfuh #healthylunch #sushiholic #multigrainrice #sushi #foodporn  (at Sushi Holic)

Not tryna brag, but this was an amazing lunch….👌👍 #delicious #dankasfuh #healthylunch #sushiholic #multigrainrice #sushi #foodporn (at Sushi Holic)

Hi, grandma is out✌️ (at Tonight Soju Bar)

Hi, grandma is out✌️ (at Tonight Soju Bar)

Moments like these… Walking the dogs with my fam bam. See JinSoon peeing on the left? HAHA. #nofilter #MarinCounty #PrettyViews (at Home)

Moments like these… Walking the dogs with my fam bam. See JinSoon peeing on the left? HAHA. #nofilter #MarinCounty #PrettyViews (at Home)

Anonymous asked: if you were to rate yourself, on a scale of 10, what would it be?

Haha, I have noooo idea.

07/31/14 - Officially moved out of Santa Cruz today! The real shit begins today👏👊 #SantaCruz

07/31/14 - Officially moved out of Santa Cruz today! The real shit begins today👏👊 #SantaCruz

Anonymous asked: Are you a high maintenance chick?

It depends on what “high maintenance” means to you, since everyone has different standards!