Aww, thank you…… Seriously. I wish I knew who you were.. Just tell me!
I haven’t written random stuff in awhile, so here goes.
2014 has been pretty interesting, I guess. Maybe college is so stressful, because we are constantly growing and maturing. Maybe this is the critical point in time, where we really realize and learn who we really are. It’s crazy. Even when I first came to college as a freshman, I still felt like a kid. I still felt like I lived at home. But now, I am completely on my own. Being an adult is awesome, yet it sucks. Growing up, I was never an independent person. I am the youngest in my family, so everything was done for me. I watched the mistakes my sister made, and learned naturally what to do, and what not to do. I never really had to fend for myself. My mom and dad figured everything out for me. I always thought that was a blessing, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe that’s why I’m having such a hard time. I don’t remember the last time I was genuinely at ease or at contentment. Something is always stressing me out. Some mornings I wake up happy, but in others, I wake up anxious. On the exterior, I seem like I have it together, but inside, I’m a mess. The future that I have been daydreaming and looking forward to my entire life is in such close proximity. I can almost see the finish line, but I don’t know if I won or not. I have no idea what to expect. I think that is what is bothering me so damn much. The jump from high school to college is vast, but at least I knew vaguely what was coming. College. Fresh start. But the next chapter of my life is ambiguous. I don’t know what lies ahead of me. I have no idea what I really wanna do. I’ve never felt overwhelmed to the extent I am these days. My emotions are jumbled up all over the place. I spent my college career trying to find myself, and to figure myself out; but the more I try, the more confused I am. I really do not know who I am anymore.
But this is all part of growing up. This is the learning process I have to go through to grow up. Life is beating me up, so that when the real shit comes, I’ll be ready for it. I’m still a child at heart, and I have so much maturing and growing to do. So, in conclusion, those times wasted, were not actually wasted. Life…you can be a little bitch, but I still love you. S’all good.